“You’re Bill’s wife!” she exclaimed, holding out her hand. “And what do you do?” “I stay home,” I replied, mentally kicking myself for feeling foolish. “That’s the hardest work of all!” she chirped, scanning the room for someone more interesting. “I’m sure your family appreciates it.” I shifted uncomfortably, trying to appear confident as my husband chatted with the other professionals in the room.

Mothering is a fraught profession in the modern world. The stakes are high to do it right. If you’re going to “waste your intellect”, as my own mother so kindly put it, you’d better have exceptional children to show for it. Or at least a podcast.

Where once we sized our skills up against each other on the soccer field sidelines, now we scroll through posts from influencers with filters and shiny kitchens, shaming us away from processed food and cleaning chemicals.

The thing is, mothering is more than what we’ve been sold. Its success is not measured by worldly results, but by loving presence. It fills a primal need, born in the heart of every person, for comfort and nurture. A mother’s tenderness is holy. It reaches down into the core of each of us who secretly long to be cared for in a harsh world.

Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord, and his mother, who has been a mother to me, too.

Romans 16:13

Some mothers from Scripture are well-known for their mothering. Moses’s mother, forced to set her son adrift in the Nile; Samuel’s mother Hannah, who dedicated her longed-for child to the Lord’s service; and of course Jesus’s mother Mary. But who was Rufus’s mother? Nothing outside of this verse is known about her. We don’t know if she was a wealthy woman or a slave, if she was powerful or obscure. We only know one thing: that she cared for the Apostle Paul like he was her own son. Never mind that he was brilliant, courageous and well-known. Everyone needs some mothering, and this woman stepped in to minister to the great apostle in the best way she knew.

How many of us have been mothered by others? How many have scooted over to make room at the table for the ones our own mothers welcomed in? It was somebody’s mother who swept me into her family and shared the love of Jesus with me. She saw a child in need, and welcomed me into the warm comfort of her home.

Mothering well does not depend on having Instagram-worthy kitchens or the laundry neatly folded and put away. Instead, it is about welcoming and nurturing the ones within our circle, caring for their hearts and their hurts through the tender love of Jesus. And then opening that circle to include those hungering outside the door.

Mothering is not only expressed through raising children, or limited to the realm of the homemaker. It is a generosity of heart that gathers others close, offering care and nurturing to those in need of it. That may be a sweet new baby, or a discouraged, road-weary apostle. A mother’s care is a haven for everyone who finds the world a harsh place sometimes.

I may not have seemed very impressive to that woman at the reception who saw me as “just” a mother. To be honest, we both judged each other that evening, and I was just as guilty of making unkind assumptions as she was. But it’s not the labels put on us or the titles we claim that define us. What counts is what we do with our brief lives here on earth, whether we live for the glory of God and the good of others, or merely for our own comfort and praise.

You may not remember the dinners you stretched to include someone, or the extra bedding spread on the couch. The prayers, the hugs and the family walks, late night conversations and bowls of popcorn may have seemed small to you at the time. Perhaps you longed for a ministry that seemed more impactful, or a life that others would notice.

But what the world deems small, God honors. And those who found a respite in your care remember, too.

Like Paul, who was cared for by Rufus’s mom. And like me, still grateful after all these years.

Then the King will say to those on his right, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”

Matthew 25:34-36