The Assignment I Wasn’t Expecting

/ Andrea

My son Ben leans up against me for his morning hug and kiss. He needs my affection, this simple morning routine, to start his day; to confirm the goodness of his existence and the security of my love.

He is needy, always. Pleading for peanut butter. For a tattoo. For Christmas. Calling to me from the bathroom to do for him what no mother wants to do for her adult son. Insisting that I make his bus magically appear at the end of the driveway.

I once was an eager college student flush with conviction, laying my life out for Jesus. His love had captured and transformed me, and I was driven by the wonder of it. I would go anywhere, do anything, I vowed. And I did. It was difficult and painful and exhilarating and beautiful, while it lasted.

But somehow I didn’t expect it all to come down to this. With the ministry over and the children gone, to have my existence circled around the care of this man-child, “the least of these”, as Jesus described him. When I said I would go anywhere, I was imagining an exotic faraway land, not a remote town in northern Minnesota. When I said I would do anything, I imagined kingdom impact, not caring for a 30-year-old man who still refuses to change his socks.

And yet, where else should I be but the place that Jesus has sent me? What else should I be doing other than His loving assignment?

A city set on a hill, Jesus said, cannot be hidden. Its light spreads across the countryside, its shining towers visible from a great distance. Crowds are drawn to such a sight. And some of us are those cities, with platforms and support teams and publicity that boost our visibility and our reach.

But most of us are the single, small lamp, our simple flames flickering in the smaller, humble corners of the world. In ordinary places like homes. Offices. Waiting rooms. Our lamps are not any less important for their obscurity, in God’s estimation, but sometimes they seem so, in ours.

This is my assignment and my place, here in the hidden circle of a quiet life. It is a blessed assignment, and a meaningful one. So I will thank God for this beautiful, remote town and the circle of friends He is giving me. And the sweet, incalculable privilege of caring for Ben, for of such is the kingdom of Heaven.

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:14-16

23 thoughts on “The Assignment I Wasn’t Expecting”

  2. Thank you Andrea.

    My ministry is not what I expected either. My calling is to care for my husband as I lose him inch by inch to Alzheimer’s. It was not my choice any more than Life with Ben was not yours.

    But God is good and faithful. He holds us securely in His everlasting arms. He is teaching me to trust Him moment by moment and transforming me into the image of Jesus.

    My prayer is that He will continue to strengthen us as we follow His lead and faithfully with love and patience complete the task He has for us.

    And that through this season, God will use us to show others the love of Jesus and the strength only He can provide as we joyfully walk this path.

    Thank you for your encouraging words! God bless!

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    • I’ll be praying for you and your husband Muckylynn. Amen to all you wrote.

      “May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance with patience and joy” Colossians 1:11

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  4. Good morning Andrea! This post made me think of a beautiful quote from Elisabeth Elliot’s wonderful book, “A Path Through Suffering’.

    “ in Old Testament times, suffering was seen as evil. In the New Testament, suffering and evil are no longer identical. Think of the shock the crowds must have felt when Jesus said that those who mourn, those who are poor and persecuted, and have nothing are happy! How could He say such things? Only in the light of another kingdom, another world, another way of seeing this world. He came to bring life and another life all together. “

    Thank you Andrea for steadily fixing your gaze on the cross! For cheerfully living the life He wills for you. God bless you and family! Love you!

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  6. I can only echo what others have said. You, my friend, are an inspiration. I’d type more but I can’t see well through my tears. 😢. Your writing is anointed.

    Much love

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  8. I’m right there with you, sister… tending my 21-year-old son. A joyful, handsome, young adult with infantile needs. Some days I feel “hemmed in” as a protection, other days I feel trapped. God is faithful and my boy is a blessing even when I don’t understand. A “sweet, incalculable privilege” indeed. Thanks for your beautiful words…such an encouragement to me!

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    • It’s hard sometimes to live in a self-actualized culture that tells us our lives are supposed to be different, that we’re missing out on something more important. That loving is a burden and we are saints. When God’s kingdom is the exact opposite! Thank you for reaching out.

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  11. It’s odd how God leads some people out who don’t want to go, like Moses, and leads others in who want to go out and serve. Perhaps He leads in a way that makes us more dependent on Him. I was blessed by your post.

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  13. Thank you for your words.
    I have a sister who is totally dependent because of a stroke 35 years ago. Mentally fine, just physically she is dependent.
    It’s refreshing to read & be encouraged in this work… which I have accepted as my ministry, given to me by God… not one I would have chosen, but given by His loving hands. Hard & lonely at times. Things I have learned through being a caregiver, things I never would have experienced & learned about myself, my God & His faithfulness to me & my sister. For this I am thankful.

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    • It’s so comforting that Jesus sees us in the small and hidden places, that He esteems and hallows the things that our culture overlooks. Thank you for sharing.

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